Ghoulies 2

Posted in '80s, Horror, The Reviews by - October 30, 2013
Ghoulies 2

I’ve always been kind of obsessed with the idea of traveling carnivals and funhouses. Growing up we had a pretty big carnival in my hometown, and I would look forward to it for months. I love how the cardboard murals on the outside of a funhouse promise mystical and magical lands that the inside rarely delivers on. It’s like the time I took that flight to mars at a local amusement park and was treated to a couple crappy plastic aliens in a brightly lit room. The exterior promised sexy aliens dancing and humans being whisked away by flying saucers and the interior just didn’t deliver. One of the rides at my local carnival had a painting of a gumball machine filled with eyeballs – I thought that thing would REALLY BE INSIDE the haunted house and that image probably helped shape 15% of my being, and Ghoulies 2 probably contributed to that space in my brain as well.

The film starts out pretty strong and gives major high hopes that it will deliver on my nostalgia fueled memories which include a 4th grade slumber party and the aforementioned funhouse daydreams. The main guy in this movie is a major poor man’s Johnny Depp, and I might just refer to him as that because I can’t remember his name and don’t really care. He is traveling in a big rig with his alcoholic failing magician Uncle, who tells him if he wants to be a magician he must pay attention to the moon. Is that true? I’ve never heard that before. The movie is pretty amazing in the first five minutes because it includes magician talk, a funhouse in a semi truck, and a cb radio conversation.

truck

Apparently somebody is taking the carnival over and the uncle is really upset about it so he starts yammering again about how the moon is magic and then some nice synths kick in and we are told this is a Charles Band production which makes a lot of sense since ghoulies are small.

moon

Do I need to remember the first Ghoulies? Because I don’t – all I remember is how they were busting out of that toilet on the cover, and now they are in some old man’s potato sack and he is running from some people wearing red cloaks. You know the ghoulies are in the sack because you hear some sinister snickering and growling and slurping which are obviously ghoulie sounds. How did they go from being in a toilet to being here? I guess I’ll never know (until I watch Ghoulies 1). But that’s ok, I’m sure they will do some cool things in the Satan’s Den funhouse, which they make their way to after some adventures in a barrel of toxic waste.

toxicwaste

Not only do ghoulies not seem phased by toxic waste but it seems like they kinda like it. Just a couple thoughts: one of the ghoulies has beautiful eyes, and I sort of wish I was a sad alcoholic failing magician funhouse operator.

ghouliesinwaste

Look at those eyes!

eyes

The ghoulies proceed to have some fun exploring satan’s den. You know this because some goofy music plays and they are making lots of little weird noises. Who do you think made the ghoulies noises? I just checked IMDB and there is no credit for “ghoulies cooing” so I guess we’ll never know who who was responsible for all of their noises.The evil carnival owner shows up in a fancy suit and sunglasses so you know for sure he is an asshole and definitely drinks mineral water.

Some lady loses her kitten (who carries a kitten around)? and of course it wanders into the satan’s den. OR DOES IT? Apparently the ghoulies can make convincing kitten noises, too. Well you know what they say…girls who lose their kittens get CUT by a ghoulie. Actually make that four ghoulies.

ghoulies

I like when they show the other carnival attractions, because I really feel like I’m there, and I currently want nothing more than to be at a carnival on a sticky summer night.

bearded

It’s finally time for the required group of misbehaving teenagers to enter the Satan’s Den – obviously these teens have the right idea and are just trying to have sex in a funhouse.

teens

The ghoulies start SLIMING people which I guess is a ghostbusters ripoff and it’s really grossing me out. Is this stuff poisonous?

makeout

Fringed vest (a friend of the unruly teens I presume) comes in and is super bummed that his boom box got smashed. Why is this guy wearing a fringed vest? Anyway, the ghoulie w/ beautiful eyes stabs him so we don’t get to see this vest ever again, sadly. I realize this movie is filled with ridiculous and horrible scenes, like a crowd of people cheering and the ghoulies taking a bow. This movie IS probably best suited for children, and I guess that’s why it set my 4th grade imagination on fire.

The drunk magician just got himself locked in The Satan’s Den and is hammered while wearing a top hat. This is suddenly getting pretty awesome because after deciding he is a powerful magician who conjured up the ghoulies, he decides to make a pentagram out of BLOOD to try and get rid of them. A great line that he utters is: “I’m a magician you sons of bitches! You can’t kill me!” Well they kill him and poor man’s johnny depp is super sad.

death

The satan’s den and carnival employees discover the ghoulies and try to stop them but because they are ONE FOOT TALL they cannot be stopped – so they leave satan’s den and head out for the carnival. I think the last part of this movie is probably titled GHOULIES UNLEASHED.

unleashed

Ok can we talk about this amazing power couple for a minute? I want to be a hardened blonde who has a rough around the edges with a heart of gold boyfriend who wins me a prize at a carnival.

powercouple

Probably the only other thing you need to know about Ghoulies Unleashed is that a ghoulie hides in a bumper car and tries to bite a girl’s crotch.

The moment I have been waiting for is finally here, as I have composed at least four tweets about this very subject. The evil carnival owner goes into the men’s room to talk to himself in the mirror about how the whole ghoulie debacle is not his fault. And then….A GHOULIE BUSTS OUT OF THE TOILET. We were promised toilet busting on the cover of this movie, so I’m glad they are fulfilling promises.

toilet

So long story short poor man’s Johnny Depp and the little person from Willow (surprise! I didn’t tell you someone from Willow was in this movie) read from some evil book and a GIANT GHOULIE comes out of the ground and stomps around eating all the little ghoulies who are up to typical ghoulie hijinx like hiding in some popcorn.

popcorn

They manage to get rid of the giant ghoulie, but I’m most concerned about the fact that poor man’s Johnny Depp and his lady decide to leave the carnival in the end. What are they thinking? Like they will find a cooler place to work? Anyway, I am sick of ghoulies. The last thing you hear is one of them cackling from the men’s room. The moral of this entire story is that ghoulies will always end up back in the toilet, where lots of foolish people would want this movie to be kept.

  • Release Date: 1988
This post was written by
A librarian who wishes she was either a slutty camp counselor or the queen of the surf guitar.

4 Comments on "Ghoulies 2"

  • Tanya
    Tanya

    A++ review, would read again. But probably won’t see this movie because I have an irrational fear of stuff coming up from out of toilets. And now this has maybe fed that fear.

    • Kelly

      Thanks!!! You better avoid for sure. Though to be fair, the toilet part is pretty brief. I just love how on the covers of both movies they are bursting out of toilets. I wonder who made this choice and why.

      • Tanya
        Tanya

        I think they know it’s a legit fear many people have. Or so I hope, so I’m not some lone weirdo.

  • Jimmy Andreakos
    Draculaser

    I really related to the part about the Ghoulie biting at that girls crotch during Ghoulies Unleashed.

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